Accepting love after the emotional abuse of my ex

By Eva Soler
February 27, 2019

My first boyfriend came into my life in July of 2018. It was new and exciting and something that I had honestly been waiting for for awhile. From the first date, he told me he wanted to marry me, and would do anything to do so.

It was a date face. He was so sweet and kind and made me feel like the most important person in his world; I felt like I was on top of the world. I had never felt like this before. It took only two weeks for us to officially get together, and then he slowly turned into himself.

Photo by Juan Pablo Arenas from Pexels

In a matter of weeks, he was repulsed by me. He would easily get sick of me, tell me that I was annoying him, I was obnoxious, I “always had to be right.” He would constantly tell me what I was doing wrong, every little thing I did was a problem. From my own emotional character, which wasn’t good enough for him, to my actions and the way I treated him. I was never good enough for him.

I’m already an emotional person; I suffer with depression and I’ve got bad anxiety. These were things that he knew. He would take advantage of me, knowing that I’d be in an emotional state that was not good, but still yell at me and tell me what was wrong. If I cried, I was yelled at more. And then a switch would flip and he’d feel sorry and apologize.

It became normal to me, I just had to deal with it. I started to learn how to not upset him and make sure that I wouldn’t get yelled at. I was never fully successful. It never was perfect, there was always one argument.

Luckily, I opened my eyes, eventually. It took me some deep searching, but ultimately it was him that made it easy for me.

All I wanted was to go to the beach, and he knew how much I wanted to go. But instead, because he was mad at me, he took me home. It wasn’t until about 20 minutes into the drive that I thought about it and asked “where are we going?” To which his reply was “if you’re not going to talk, I’m taking you home.”

It was like a switch for me, because I knew that if he really loved me, he wouldn’t care, he would’ve taken me to the beach. So he took me home and then I said goodbye, forever.

Fast forward four months, which some would say isn’t long enough, and I have a new boyfriend. In those four months though, I struggled to be confident in myself, to accept any kind of liking or compliment. My self-doubt and lack of confidence would turn people away. My constant stress and crying would turn people away.

Then I met my boyfriend now, who sees that everything I think wrong, is a product of nothing but my experiences and what I’ve had to face. Who sees that the good in me outweighs any of the bad.

At first, I was terrified that anything was too good to be true. The first time I cried, I shook with fear that I would be yelled at or scolded. But he held me, and told me that there was no reason to cry alone and that from now on, my tears would be wiped away.

Photo by Valentin Antonucci from Unsplash

It was still hard for me to see him truly, because part of me wanted to believe it was a date face, that he wanted something from me, and he would do whatever it took to get it. He proved that part of me wrong, very quickly.

Since then, I’ve probably wept and sobbed every single day we’ve been together. It hasn’t been very long, but each time, he’s there for me. He doesn’t tell me that I shouldn’t be crying, or that I’m wrong. He simply helps me see past the pain and worry and stress. He promises to help me; that we will work on it together.

I’ve never had someone want to help me that way, to promise that together, we will get things done. Like I said, it hasn’t been very long, but I’m pretty sure this is for the long-run.

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Eva Soler

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