Before I started my freshman year of college at Cabrini University, my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer. The day the doctor told me in late July, my heart dropped. I hadn’t even moved onto campus, yet I knew I was going to have a different experience from everyone else.
It was hard seeing other students move into their dorms with their parents while I moved in my stuff by myself. My roommates’ moms helped me make my bed and get situated, but it wasn’t the same as having my mom and dad with me.
Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time during my first semester of college. I met some of my best friends here and I was able to establish some independence for myself, it was just a little more difficult to concentrate on my school work and be in college knowing that my mom was in the hospital going through something.
I managed to make my home and school life work pretty well; every two weeks I would go home over the weekend to visit my mom in the hospital and help out my dad with the house.
It wasn’t the ideal college life but it was working… at least until February.
In the first week of February, two days after my birthday, my dad called me at eight in the morning and told me my mom was unresponsive. I felt myself go into panic mode where I couldn’t breathe. It seemed like forever, but it hadn’t even been one minute until he said that she was gone. When I heard those words, I could actually feel my heart collapse.
It took that one phone call to completely ruin my life. Everything was thrown off balance; my favorite person in the whole world was gone and there was nothing I could do to bring her back. I thought I had it all figured out too. I was going to go to school while I watched my mom get better. I remembered the last time I visited her I told her I would see her in two weeks… which couldn’t be further from the truth.
I stayed home for two weeks after my mom’s funeral and finally decided to go back and attempt to finish my semester. However, I had no motivation to do work and catch up. The only thing that really kept me going was a voice in my head telling me that my mom would want me to be in school. But everyday was difficult trying to catch up with my full schedule of classes.
It is often times difficult for students to battle the loss of a parent along with your school work. According to Purdue University, “40 percent of college students are grieving a death within the last two years, and the number of students with chronically or terminally ill parents is not tracked.”
It’s easier to cope with a traumatic loss when you take time to focus on yourself. Because I had school work to concentrate and catch up on, it kept me distracted in a way where I didn’t have to always think about what was going on at home.
There isn’t a day that has gone by where I don’t think about my mom. I often think about how I am the only person in my friend group that doesn’t have a mom anymore, which makes me feel alone at times. I even remember the last time I saw her and the last words I spoke to her (which just so happened to have been “I love you more, mom”. I often think about how I wasn’t able to actually say goodbye and how different my life could be if this never happened.
I know I don’t have all the answers of how to deal with a loss but I do know it was better for me personally by reaching out to someone like my professors and my friends that just so happen to be my roommates. Speaking to my professor about everything going on in my life made me feel better already. I felt some of the weight lift from my shoulders.
The one thing I learned about going through this was that I did not have to face it alone. It’s still painful, knowing that my mom would never see me walk at my graduation, but it’s less difficult knowing I do have people in my corner rooting for me and supporting me.
I also found out the more I reached out and was willing to open up, the more help and understanding I got from my professors. They were very helpful with getting me back on my feet and even supported me during the funeral.
It is important to reach out with whatever you’re going through. There days that were harder than others but with time and acceptance, I truly believe the pain will not hurt as much as it did previous days. Hopefully, those who have gone through something similar as this can find comfort in knowing they’re not alone in this type of situation.
