My divorce story: growing up between two halves of a whole

By Stephanie McClelland
December 9, 2018

Up until the age of 7 I had the perfect childhood. I lived in a nice suburban neighborhood, grew up with my two older sisters, Kyra and Melissa, always had pets, was best friends with my next-door neighbors, knew my entire neighborhood and played outside all day every day until we were called in for dinner.

Me and my childhood friends. Photo submitted by Stephanie McClelland

Everything was perfect.

The first time I heard my parents fighting I was 5. I had never heard either of my parents yell so loud and so angrily, not even when my sisters and I were bad. I remember lying on the floor of the bedroom Kyra and I shared next to the air vent so we could listen in on conversations that were happening in the kitchen. We would do this every time my parents fought and as time went on, I found myself spending an awful lot of time lying next to the air vent.

When I was 7, I remember hearing my parents fighting yet again in the laundry room. I was sitting with Kyra who looked over to me and said, “You know they’re gonna get a divorce, right?”

I walked down into the dark laundry room, stepping over the large piles of clothes and holding back tears said, “Are you guys gonna get a divorce?” To which my parents quickly stopped yelling and said, “No of course not.”

A month before my 8th birthday my dad moved out.

Me and my mom. Photo submitted by Stephanie McClelland

Within that same year we moved out of our house. Everything happened so fast it all seemed like one big blurred mess. All I knew was that my parents no longer loved each other and because of that, my picture perfect perfect life was shattered.

We had to keep moving every couple of years because my mom’s credit was not good enough to buy another house so we had to keep renting. I have now lived in five houses and gone to five schools.

Kyra and I started always having a suitcase packed for the weekend visits we would make to our dad’s house. My dad was living with his brother, my uncle, and we always had fun when we would go see them but it would never be the same, because my dad couldn’t read me “The Night Before Christmas” on Christmas eve anymore. I couldn’t spend Thanksgiving cooking with my mom. I didn’t get to go trick or treating with both of my parents and every birthday wish I made would be for things to go back to the way they used to be.

Me and my sister Kyra. Photo submitted by Stephanie McClelland

As I got older my mom stopped filtering herself as much because she figured my sisters and I were all old enough to handle the things she would say about my dad. She would constantly remind us how awful of a person he was, but would never fully explain why. When we became old enough to decided whether or not we wanted to continue to see our dad every other weekend, my mom would make us feel guilty for wanting to go.

One time I decided to finally ask my dad about all of the stuff my mom had been saying about him for years and him telling me that the things she said weren’t true. I spent most of my high school career not being able to trust anything either of my parents said, being put in the middle of their arguments and accepting the fact that my family will never be whole again.

Me and Sean, my stepdad, teaching my to play guitar. Photo submitted by Stephanie McClelland

A few years after my parents split up my mom introduced me to Sean, who would eventually become my stepdad. Sean did not have any children and never thought that he would until he met my sisters and I. He was content living in his one bedroom apartment but after he lived with us for eight years he could not imagine life any other way. I love Sean as if he is a second father to me and I am so grateful for everything that he has done for my family and I.

A few years after I met Sean, my dad introduced me to Holly who is now my stepmother and nothing like the fairytales. Holly is very kind and always willing to help me with anything I might need and I am very glad that my parents have both found new people who make them happy and want to share their lives with, especially after seeing them be unhappy for so long.

My dad has already married Holly and my mom and Sean are preparing to get married next October. My family certainly still has its problems but I love the new people that my parents’ divorce has brought into my life and could not imagine life without them and looking back.

I would rather have two happy households than one unhappy one.

It can be very difficult for anyone who has to deal with their parents’ divorce to accept the fact that their family will never be the same. I have been dealing with it for 13 years, but it is important to remember that it can be a good thing and can bring more people into your life. It is also important to remember that things will work out in the end and that the parents deserve to be happy too.

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Stephanie McClelland

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