Her clothes were so revealing, so she wanted to have sex.
She started a fight with me, so she deserved to be hit.
She was drunk, so she was asking for it.
How dare you? Not only is this victim-blaming, but it is taking away some of the most basic rights of a human being and saying that a person deserved physical and emotional trauma because of something they wore or said.
Rape and assault are not positive terms. There is a very good reason for that; they are not things people want to happen to them. They would not be considered illegal if the person was “asking for it.”
Trust me, if you had to hold her down, if she was unconscious or if she was crying throughout the experience, she was not asking for it.
First of all, unless she said to you outright, “please have sex with me” or “please beat me until I’m unconscious,” she did not ask for it (and I would guess that in 99 percent of the cases in which the defense was “she was asking for it” is used, she did not say either of those things).
So, getting past the fact that she did not come out and ask for it, let us take a look at the different assumptions that may make you believe she wanted to be traumatized.
“She was half-naked.” As hard as it may be to believe, females do not all dress simply for the pleasure of males. Some actually dress themselves in order to feel confident, stylish or comfortable in their own skin.
Yes, some may wear less than others, but why does that automatically mean they want sex? Or maybe they do want to have sex, but not necessarily with you. A low cut shirt does not equal a free pass for whoever takes it.
“She started it.” An argumentative response is no excuse to beat someone. Rudeness is no excuse to beat someone. Failure to listen is no excuse to beat someone.
In cases of danger in which she physically started something, there is an extremely big difference between self-defense and beating someone, do not cross the line.
“She was drunk.” I am honestly dumbfounded as to how some see this as a viable excuse to physically harm another person, especially through rape. Drinking and sex are not co-dependent things.
If a woman refused to have sex with you at any point, sober or drunk, the answer is no. If the woman is drunk it is not possible to get consent, and the answer is no.
Maybe next time you assume she is “asking for it,” you should try asking her yourself firs
