The life of young parents

By Eric Stone
May 1, 2017

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From left to right: Shay Kraiza, Spencer Ryan and Billy Ryan. Photo by Shay Kraiza.

The life of any late teenager typically involves a segue into the “real world.” Many of these teens are enrolled in colleges as they search for what they want to do with the rest of their life or have already chosen an occupation that suits them well.

For 19-year-old Shay Kraiza, an unexpected turn of events have already lead her to her first full-time job: being a mother.

Studies show that three in ten teenage girls in American will get pregnant at least once before age 20, which is approximately 750,000 teen pregnancies every year.

Kraiza and her boyfriend Billy Ryan had been together for two years and were best friends. They had always romanticized the idea of one day getting married and having a child but never expected it to happen so soon.

“We both were laughing and crying at the same time,” Kraiza said. “We were both in complete shock.”

Kraiza noted that while the tears were not of sadness or anger, it took her quite a bit of time for the idea of having a baby to sink in.

“I didn’t know what to do so I went outside and went for a walk to let everything sink in,” Kraiza said. “When I went back to my house I just talked on the phone with my boyfriend about the plans we had to make.”

For Lisa Kraiza, Shay’s mother, it was a shocking experience.

“I was scared and afraid when Shay first told me,” Kraiza’s mother said. “I was always sympathetic to teenage Moms but I was not expecting this.”

Several of Kraiza’s mother’s friends became pregnant in their teens, including her younger and only sister. While Kraiza’s parents were uncertain of their daughter’s future, they made sure Shay got proper medical care, plenty of rest and made sure all of her cravings were satisfied.

“My parents were both so excited and unbelievably supportive, getting pregnant honestly brought us closer together” Kraiza said. “Before, my parents and I didn’t have the best relationship and we would fight a lot but we always worked it out but once I got pregnant, it gave us all something to look forward to.”

Kraiza’s parents were there for her in any way they could be, including being able to attend her first Ultrasound. Ryan’s side of the family was also quite supportive, as his brother had been through a similar situation.

Lisa Kraiza with baby Spencer. Photo by Lisa Kraiza.

While Kraiza herself received much love and support, she was not without her hardships. She had previously been taking prescription medication for her anxiety and depression but had stopped once she became pregnant.

“That was probably one of the worst decisions I’ve made throughout the entire process,” Kraiza said. “The added hormones and mood swings that come along with getting pregnant just increases my depression and anxiety to a new level.”

Kraiza’s anxiety was set through the roof, as she was thinking irrationally, constantly paranoid that her boyfriend was going to leave her, that something bad was going to happen with the baby among many other things. In addition, Kraiza struggled with her weight gain from the pregnancy tremendously as well as a nasty eating disorder.

“Once I got pregnant I realized I had to stop my habit of binge eating then purging,” Kraiza said. “I knew it wasn’t healthy for me or the baby, so I just ate and ate.”

Kraiza was at her highest weight at the end of her pregnancy and weighed 250 pounds. She originally was devastated with her weight gain but learned to accept it as time went on.

“I am eating healthy now and working out 5-6 days a week,” Kraiza said. “I’ve learned to accept my body and see it as the body that created and held my son for 9 months, so I wouldn’t change that for the world.”

December 17, 2016, Spencer Kraiza Ryan was born. Kraiza, Ryan and their families welcomed Spencer with open arms.

“The initial reaction to a teenager being pregnant is fear,” Kraiza’s mother said. “Once the baby is born, however, everything begins to fall into place.”

Four months later, Kraiza, her family and Spencer continue to thrive.

“Spencer has brought so much unexpected joy to our lives and seeing him melts our hearts,” Kraiza’s mother said. “Shay has grown up so much since she became a Mom and that has strengthened our relationship as mother and daughter.”

Kraiza spoke very positively about her experience as a mother to Spencer.

“He is the best baby, and I’m not just saying that because he’s mine,” Kraiza said. “He sleeps through the night, he talks to us, he has such a happy and funny personality.”

Most importantly, Kraiza has mentioned that becoming a mother has helped her tremendously with growing as a person.

“Before Spencer, I only had myself to care for and now I have another little human to take care of,” Kraiza said. “It really taught me selflessness, patience and unconditional love.”

Evan Lutts with his girlfriend and daughter. Photo by Evan Lutts.

20-year-old Evan Lutts has had a similar experience with caring for his one-year-old daughter. Lutts himself struggled with being able to attend school because he was taking on more hours at work in order to support his child.

Studies show that young fathers are more likely to have economic and employment challenges and are more often economically disadvantaged than adult fathers.

Despite the struggles between work and school, Lutts mentioned that he experienced a different kind of education similar to Kraiza’s.

“When you have a child, your entire perspective changes,” Lutts said. “I literally flipped my whole life around and it worked out perfect because it taught me to take on more responsibilities.”

Lutts and his daughter are doing terrifically to this day and the two share a set schedule together throughout the day.

“I hope for my daughter’s future that she succeeds in anything she puts her mind to and she will 100 percent have my help on the way to her success,” Lutts said.

As for other potential teenage parents, Kraiza’s advice to them would be to stay calm.

“I always believe that everything happens for a reason and that there is a reason for this,” Kraiza said. “No matter how scared you may be or how worried, you will get through it and that feeling you get when you hold your baby in your arms makes every worry worth it.”

Despite the struggles Kraiza and Lutts faced, neither of them would take it back for anything.

“You learn how to adjust though,” Kraiza said. “There is nothing else that compares to being a parent, no matter what age.”

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Eric Stone

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