The last words he ever said were “I love you son, see you tomorrow.”
On Jan.23 2008, my father passed away suddenly to gun violence. I saw him perfectly happy and energized the night before, at my basketball game. He cheered me on during my entire game and it motivated me. I still cannot face the fact he is not here with me today.
As a child, I always felt that my father would be by my side forever. He was my best friend, my coach and leader. We shared infinite memories going on beach trips, practices and during family time. I loved receiving phone calls from him at any time of the day. His voice gave me comfort and I always felt safe.
Nothing I or the doctors could have done that would have saved my father. I am thankful and blessed for the eight years he shared with me and my family. I am glad my father had an impact on so many other family and friends on this earth. As the years continue, it gets harder but I know he will always watch my every step while he’s looking down on me from heaven. This tragic experience has made me stronger and created the man I am today.
My father did everything as a man should. He took care of his kids, my mother and other family members. He was at every school event and he was always there for me to have conversations about any problems I had. A son can never imagine the piece of a heart that’s missing forever. My normal basketball routine has been broken, but it’s okay. I have learned when life moves on, people come and go.
My life will never be the same. Traveling home from my basketball games without receiving his calls or him sitting next to me left me traumatized, lost and missing a piece of my heart. A trillion thoughts ran across my mind trying to manage how I can live a normal life without my father. I didn’t want to become the person who would have a weakened inside and cry at my father’s funeral, but I did.
I have been questioned over and over, “how did your father pass away?” It originally started with me not wanting to talk about it. Today, I can respond and explain in detail. Speaking to counselors repeatedly reliving the worst day of my life left me in shock every time. I didn’t want to believe that he was gone, and I still don’t. I wanted to pick up where I left off with him and act like this was all a dream.
This really showed me how I must trust myself to keep doing the right things. In order to pull through this long journey ahead, I must surround myself around positive people who want’s to see me do good. If I do that I will live a much healthier life by me not being as stressed.
According to Mental health America, it shows that I’m not the only one who is depressed and how I can manage my stress. Depression is more serious and long-lasting than stress. It’s important for me to get help with death or other problems instead of taking anger out on myself.
I promised to carry my father on my shoulder for the rest of my life and make him happy.
If you are struggling with the loss of a loved one in college, know that you are not alone. People always stereotype me usually saying I’m up to no good since I’m always quiet.
If you have lost a parent or loved one, you aren’t alone in this world. There will always be someone who you can trust and that will listen to you. Don’t ever be afraid to speak your mind or show emotions, we’re all human and in this together!
